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Post by faithdamore on Jan 25, 2008 0:59:00 GMT -5
I read what you have posted so far. I must say that I'm impressed. And that's not something that happens a lot. You are a quality writer.
I was a little unclear on some points. Like, what did the voice sound like, where was it coming from (in his head etc).
I wanted to know more about what he looked like (was his once blond hair splattered with blood?) You know. A little more description.
I like the way you presented the wind as a creature. Although, in one bit, I wasn't sure if it was the wind still the character. At :
"Growing bored, it started to disperse".
I was sitting thinking, how can wind grow bored? Perhaps:
"It's job almost done, it started to disperse"?
Well, that's just my opinion, but, overall, it was really good.
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Agano
Inspiration
Posts: 51
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Post by Agano on Jan 25, 2008 2:29:10 GMT -5
Thanks.
Full Description of Tredin, as well as orign of the voice (the voice's full origins is a main part of the story), is coming in the next chapter, which is already undergoing editing right now. I'll see if I can't drop a few subtle descriptions of both Tredin and the voice in the first chater.
When I started the story, it's working title was Anago (Hence where I got the screen name from) so I feel it's only right to return the title to it.
Perhaps I did strech the personification a bit too much with the "growing bored" statement. I'll make a mental note to go back to it and see if there isn't something I can change it with.
EDIT: Change in prolouge Change in Chapter 1 more in depth descriptions will make their appearance later in the story (see above)
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Post by faithdamore on Jan 25, 2008 23:37:58 GMT -5
much better. I like it
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Post by hi on Nov 4, 2008 7:34:59 GMT -5
i like it too
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